Those Pesky Doubts...

I think that one of the hardest things about this journey is dealing with all the unknown factors in labor and delivery. Up until this point I was a cool confidant mama who just assumed that my body would fall in line with the whole going into labor bit. In the last week though I am starting to have doubts about whether my body will actually be able to work right and get this little one into the world without seeing the inside of an OR.

At my appointment about a week and a half ago my OB asked if I had had any surgery on my cervix, which I had not. Apparently I have a "funky" cervix that feels more like a ring of scar tissue and makes it really hard for others to check me and know that I am dilated. A week ago, when I thought that this was it, I went into L&D with contractions 2.5 mins apart and coming strong, yet wasn't dilated enough to be called real labor.... and the contractions have continued on and off but never strong enough to progress into labor.

Now I am worried that this funky cervix of mine can't dilate because if it feels like scar tissue will it be able to stretch like it needs to? I worry that I am having all this prodromal labor for nothing and even though my body is working hard, it just can't do what it needs to do... sigh.... I hate worrying!

I am anxious to see if I make it to my usual Weds appointment and if I have made any progress.... I just hope that I have and that my anatomy works with me and this baby girl (who is having a grand ole time propelling herself off of my ribs and headbutting my girlie parts!)

I am sure that lots of VBACing women have these doubts, especially at the end.... I just never expected anything  to do with my anatomy to be the issue. And I know that my OB is doing his best to help things along in the most natural way possible, he won't even use a Foley Catheter to get things moving.... so it is all up to me to avoid the knife!

Say a prayer, light a candle, whatever you do.... here's to my funky cervix, lol!

 

Naturally Inducing Labor FAIL

Yes, I know that babies are on their own schedule and that they will come when they are good and ready. And I definitely know that this little one is on a schedule that no one, not even the OB can figure out. But I have been having really intense contractions on and off for over a week now and even though this pregnancy has been fun and all, I am ready to get on with the VBAC action!

So yesterday at my weekly OB appointment my awesome Doc checked me and determined that not only is Miss M head down and ready to go, but he could sweep my membranes which he did.... (OUCH!). And he really surprised me when he suggested that maybe some castor oil would do the trick in getting these contractions to actually do something besides drive me nuts. Coming from a very cautious OB made me think that this was an AWESOME idea and that there was hope that it would work.... wrong!!

I looked online and tons of midwife and natural birth sites tote the dreaded castor oil as a miracle solution to getting labor going.... I read that I can either mix it with a food like eggs or drink it to make it more palatable....

First of all, that stuff is about as NASTY as it gets!!!!! I decided to mix it with some orange juice and made sure that the brand I got was odorless and tasteless. No one mentioned that the TEXTURE was going to be that of melted wax chunks!

Second of all, the thought of drinking the greasy concoction was enough to make me gag from the get go, and I hadn't even sipped any yet!

So I downed what I could, about 3 tablespoons (YUCK YUCK YUCK!) and went about my business. About 4 hours later it finally hit me and.... that was it. Sigh, yes the contractions started back up, and for a few hours they were intense and about 5 mins apart.... but nothing I couldn't talk through with effort. Double sigh..... I didn't even have to visit the bathroom again, lol.

Now I am trying to decide if I just didn't get enough down or if I am just destined to be preggers forever, lol. Oh, well... and that folks is my tale of the Dreaded Castor Oil!

 

Trip #1 to Labor and Delivery

Lol, what a crazy last couple of days! Now that I have gotten some sleep and am lucid I can write about my first adventure going to Labor and Delivery while in labor.

So on Sunday evening, around 6pm I started having timable contractions that were somewhat steady. They were about 10 mins apart and more annoying/exciting than anything. By midnight I was getting them more frequently but tried to rest since I knew that I was pretty much in it for the long haul. Meanwhile my body had decided to cleanse itself (ugh!) and by 3am I was ready to call the doula and Klint home from work. Once everyone got here Michelle (my awesome Doula) just watched me while I fidgeted around, paced, and bounced on the birth ball.

Fast forward to 9am when the contractions were coming in at about 5 mins apart, steady, and were getting stronger. We hand the girls over to our neighbor who is like a grandmother to them and head over the L&D. They hook me up and I see that now these contractions are coming about 2 1/2 mins apart (YAY!). They weren't toooo bad yet, about a 5 on the pain scale (although I have to remember that my pain tolerance is really high so I try not to diminish what I am feeling). A little while later the nurse decides to check me to see where I am at. Now, mind you that last Weds my OB said I was 1cm and about 50% effaced. This nurse, however can't even find my cervix! WTF?! So she calls the house OB who is not exactly my favorite person and he says I am not dilated at all and 80% effaced. Ummmm..... not possible chief! My OB had warned me that I have a "funky cervix" and that it is going to be hard for the nurses to tell if I am dilated at first. Of course when I try to explain this they both ignore me...grrrr.

But luckily my OB wants me to stay, walk around, and see if there is any change. Contractions turn into really intense contractions and I am handling them awesome (if I do say so myself!), but still by 5pm I am not really doing much. Finally I ask for my own OB to check me and when he does I am only 2cm!! (Take that house OB!) I am given the choice between staying and seeing what happens and coming home.

I choose to come home since I was hungry and working off of 1.5 hours of sleep in over 24 hours. So here I am, a day later, still contracting but going about business as normal. I have an appointment to see a chiropractor tomorrow to see if we can get Miss M to align right, other than that it is still a waiting game!!

 

Oh the Joys of the Unknown!

So this weekend I got to experience my first taste of the whole "Is it time?" issue with labor. Since I have never been in labor on my own, didn't have real contractions before, and never have had any of the "normal" signs that labor is beginning I am pretty clueless about what is going on with my body right now. Fun huh?

On Friday I went out and about, was perfectly fine until about 4-ish when my back really started bothering me. Across my lower back was a band of pain that just refused to subside... it sucked really! As the night got on it got a little bit worse, enough to allow me a lovely 3 hours of sleep the WHOLE NIGHT... ugh. But while I wasn't sleepy, I felt like cleaning or doing something, anything really. (At 3am I was really considering scrubbing the floor in the kitchen....) The pain wasn't terrible, just a nuisance, but I texted my doula to let her know what was going on. I didn't think I was in labor, but like I said, what do I know? I wasn't having contractions that hurt or any other sign of labor so she told me to try to rest in case this was the real deal.

By Saturday the back pain was still there, enough to make me want to permanently adhere my hot pad to my lower backside. But that was it.... nothing else. And I was still fully functioning on 3 hours of sleep. We went for a 2 hr stroll around the mall, I sexually assaulted Klint in the hopes of getting something going, and bounced on the birth ball for awhile. Yet, back pain was there with no other changes.

So here I am, Sunday evening... no changes... and I have absolutely no clue when this little girl is going to decide to come. Lol, but that is ok because she is the one who gets to decide and that is pretty cool to me!

 

The More I Know the More I am Thinking!

The more I find out now the more I am realizing how different the births of AJ and Gabby should have gone. Honestly it pisses me off! Here is the latest realization concerning AJ's "high heart rate" and her emergency delivery.

Incubated AJ since she was taken out so suddenly

I have been having to go to Labor and Delivery every week for non-stress tests. It has been overall a good experience because I get to know the nurses there and have made good connections. It is a little stressful though because I have noticed that Miss M has a pretty high heart rate and when she gets going it easily is in the 210 range- right where AJ was when the old OB demanded that she come out right now. The first time that Miss M was getting all rowdy and I was seeing these really high heart rates, I started to panic. The nurse came in and she said, "Well, I just got off the phone with Dr. Gingo..." and immediately I thought the worst. BUT then she continued. "He said I wasn't doing a good job positioning you." What?!!!

Apparently, when a pregnant woman is either laying in a bad position or a position that the baby doesn't care for, the heart rate will get elevated and she can't settle down. The nurse also gave me some water and what do you know? Miss M settled down and I was on my way!! Amazing! I had thought for sure that I was going to be wheeled in for an emergency c-section, because that is what happened last time.

Going home! 4 days in the NICU

But now I can look at the facts surrounding what happened with AJ. 1. I was probably dehydrated because I was trying to get through the appointment and get to work. 2. I was sitting flat in a reclining chair with the monitors on. 3. I had never had a NST before so there was no way for the OB to know whether this was normal or not for AJ. And finally, 4. She didn't try to adjust me or anything to get the heart rate lower. In fact, I couldn't see the monitor at all so I have no clue whether the elevation was for a short time or whatnot.

So did I really need that emergency c-section? I don't know... but given the old OB's track record with honestly and such, I know that nothing was done to prevent it before the decision was made. Maybe I did really need to get her out asap... but it putting a pillow under my side and giving me a glass of water calmed Miss M down, maybe it would have done the same for AJ?

Just food for thought!