Those Pesky Doubts...

I think that one of the hardest things about this journey is dealing with all the unknown factors in labor and delivery. Up until this point I was a cool confidant mama who just assumed that my body would fall in line with the whole going into labor bit. In the last week though I am starting to have doubts about whether my body will actually be able to work right and get this little one into the world without seeing the inside of an OR.

At my appointment about a week and a half ago my OB asked if I had had any surgery on my cervix, which I had not. Apparently I have a "funky" cervix that feels more like a ring of scar tissue and makes it really hard for others to check me and know that I am dilated. A week ago, when I thought that this was it, I went into L&D with contractions 2.5 mins apart and coming strong, yet wasn't dilated enough to be called real labor.... and the contractions have continued on and off but never strong enough to progress into labor.

Now I am worried that this funky cervix of mine can't dilate because if it feels like scar tissue will it be able to stretch like it needs to? I worry that I am having all this prodromal labor for nothing and even though my body is working hard, it just can't do what it needs to do... sigh.... I hate worrying!

I am anxious to see if I make it to my usual Weds appointment and if I have made any progress.... I just hope that I have and that my anatomy works with me and this baby girl (who is having a grand ole time propelling herself off of my ribs and headbutting my girlie parts!)

I am sure that lots of VBACing women have these doubts, especially at the end.... I just never expected anything  to do with my anatomy to be the issue. And I know that my OB is doing his best to help things along in the most natural way possible, he won't even use a Foley Catheter to get things moving.... so it is all up to me to avoid the knife!

Say a prayer, light a candle, whatever you do.... here's to my funky cervix, lol!